If you’ve been following my blogs you would have known two thingsabout me, I am a commitment-phob and I am currently in a relationship.Those of you reading this for the first time will laugh out loud andalthough funny at first. I am seriously struggling with the fact thatI love someone and I need to do ME. However because I am in love, I amtaking baby steps to make this one work. Recently I decided to do someresearch to see how much support one can get without having to rely onmummy and daddy when things go wrong in a marriage. In my quest, Istumbled upon this website or rather another blog that I think wouldcome in handy in case I need to keep the flame going in a union thatdooms you to one partner FOR YOUR ENTIRE LIFE.
(And if you wondering, yes my boyfriend has been talking aboutmarriage and yes I am freaked out!)
Simply named http://strengtheningmarriage.com/ it gives you practicalsolutions to intimate problems in a marriage that you would normallybe afraid to talk about. The website has articles and videos that takeyou through the nitty gritty issues that we Asians shy from. Theseissues however are crucial to a successful marriage and I for one, amnot ashamed to admit that probably 20 years into a relationship withMr. Right, might make you look at him as Mr Write-Off. So yes, if itmeans I have to intellectualize something that came naturally before,so be it.
The next tool I came across was a book from John Gottman titled TheSeven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from theCountry's Foremost Relationship Expert. If you ask me, the title isway too long for it to be memorable, but it’s a great book. In thisNew York Times bestseller, the author shatters the common myth ofcommunication being the key to a healthy marriage. Thank goodness,someone had the common sense to come up with this conclusion. Nomatter how much we would like to believe it, sometimes talking tothings out only makes matters worst. So the gist of it is to find asolution that is workable for
My third and final tool is observation, I have the privilege of havinga lot of married friends and although I might not want to confide inthem all the time… I do think observing the dynamics of therelationship between man and wife and trying to apply some positivebehaivours like being your partner’s biggest cheerleaders or justbeing a listening ear without trying to fix the problem goes a longway.
3 tools for a lifetime of challenges, what do you think? Do I have a chance?
Of course you do!!! But i have seen marriages shatter even with proper communication between spouses.... Marriage (so they say) wrecks a lot of things in a relationship, commitments and responsibilities are among a few but more than that its de ability to rekindle why man and wife decided to be so in the first place...
ReplyDeleteMy best of luck to you!!!
And if it happens i hope u have a blissful marriage...
thanks, i hope so too
ReplyDelete"I love you but I'm not IN LOVE with you".It's the rare couple that doesn't,sooner or later,run into a few bumps in the road.If you recognize ahead of time what those relationship problems can be,you'll have a much better chance of weathering the storm.
ReplyDeleteAll relationship problems stems from poor communication skills."You can't communicate while you're checking your Blackberry,watching TV,or flipping through the sports section.Remember that a large part of communication is listening,so be sure your body language reflects that.That means,don't doodle,look at your watch,pick at your nails,etc.
Nod so the other person knows you're getting the message and rephrase if necessary,such as,"What I hear you saying is that you feel as though you have more chores at home,even though we're both working."If you're right,the other can confirm,and if what the other person really meant was,hey,you're a slob and you create more work for me by having to pick up after you,perhaps they'll say so but in a nicer way.
Even partners who love each other can be incompatible sexually.Compounding these problems,says Mary Jo Fay,is the fact that men and women alike are sorely lacking in sex education and sexual self-awareness.Yet,having sex is one of the last things we should be giving up,says Fay,who addresses the topic in her new book,Please Dear,Not Tonight.
"Sex brings us closer together,releases hormones that help our bodies both physically and mentally,and keeps the chemistry of a healthy couple healthy."she says.
always wise words from you, wan ling :)
ReplyDeleteNisha, I was a commitment phob too my dear. I mean, how can u imagine seeing the SAME face for the rest of your life and waking up next to the SAME person every single day of the rest of your life??????????? But now, I'm married for 2 years plus and not only do i have to wake up to the same person EVERY single morning, BUT I HAVE TO BEAR WITH THE SNORING TOO!!!!!!!!!!! lol...But dear, there are also countless blessings every single day of having someone who loves you so much and who is willing to love u unconditionally (even at your ugliest) :) Who's to say I'm still not wary of marriage? I'm totally aware of marriages that started so completely in love and then 15 years down the road, ends in divorce. I know too many good marriages gone bad. Thankfully my hubby never tires of assuring me that he'll never go that road (and I try my best to believe).It's a learning process and all we can do as mortals is take baby steps day by day. Just try to trust. Just try to believe and everything should be alright dear~ :)
ReplyDelete