A Year End Review & Hope for the New Year

Okay so I suck at regular posts but I'd like to think that every time that I blog I truly feel something profound. Let's face it, it is hard to be profound everyday. I would like to think that I am constantly looking for new things to inspire and teach me but after a while you have heard it all. I almost never get excited about new information anymore. But I digress, today's post is not another rant about the deeper meaning of life but rather a summary of the one that I have lead.

The year is drawing to an end and I have found myself thinking long and hard about what I want. This is mainly because of my experiences, that I would like to think have thought me well.

Although it has caused me a lot of trouble and heart ache, the one thing that I am very proud of, is that I have always followed my heart and not my head. That being said, I didn't do it right. I totally disregarded myself in the process and it has lead me to the brink of insanity....

Coming back from that I can tell you that the experiences were absolutely necessary. I am stubborn but life has definitely cured that. The thing about following your heart, is that it takes courage and whether we know it or not, courage my friend is hard to come by.

Although I have loved people with all my heart, my greatest lesson about love is that you must be able to love yourself. No one needs defective love. If you don't love yourself, YOU ARE DEFECTIVE. That is the hard and awful truth. If you think you can find love in fairytale romances, you are wrong. If you think you can find love in people, again you would be wrong. If you want to know love and I am talking about the unconditional kind... you can't even find it in a dog. But you can look deep within and that's where you will find it.

For me, that was a lesson that took years to learn. I had no self worth. To be honest, I don't know whether I truly have a lot of self worth now but at least its there. So how do you find it, if you simply don't have the tools to do it yourself?

Talk to a role model and THINK BIG.

Someone very wise once told me that you could be a walking God if you think big enough. Just think if you could posses God's love, what kind of an effect you could have on this world? What kind of legacy you could leave behind? Even if you didn't believe in God, just the theory of God's love is enough to entice anyone.

I understand now why I am the way that I am. I had a lot of negativity surrounding my life that contributed to my low self-esteem and lack of confidence.

That is not an excuse but a fact.

I am not saying that those experiences define me but it explains my shortcomings. The best way to improve is to identify your weaknesses and to know your triggers. I would love to tell you that you can just remove those triggers and it's all gone. But sometimes, it's not that easy. You can't remove all the negatives in your life. But you can find ways to cope with it. Get welcomed distractions to help you or someone you really care about to help. That's how I do it.

I have also learnt that its okay if you are not the life of the party, sometimes it is more meaningful to share a laugh with just one person than the entire room. Be yourself and be comfortable with who you are. Before you know it, everyone around you is comfortable too. It is rare and refreshing to meet someone sincere, be that person :)

Life is not a competition, it is an adventure. If you are able to talk about a long and hard fall in your attempt at life, it doesn't mean you have failed. It just means you were brave enough to take a huge leap that lead you somewhere else, somewhere unexpected. Thank God for the unexpected, a surprise party is special for a reason ;)

Happy New Year everyone... Here is to a better year because you made it better.

Instead of Stewing in the Negative REACH for the Postive

"A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks he becomes" -Mahatma Gandhi

Lately I hardly watch TV... Even if I am sitting in front of TV my mind is switched off or wandering somewhere else. I am starting to worry about myself, seems like hardly anything holds my attention anymore. I have been on an amazing journey where my senses and thoughts have been overwhelmed and the entire knowledge of my existence has been challenged. I live by new rules and seek knowledge beyond the understanding of most. So after going through all that, everything else seems trivial, boring and mundane.

But on Sunday I came home after a long day of visiting friends and family and one TV show caught my attention. It was Oprah's last show. I had some friends who said that I should watch it but I never did. To be honest, I thought that Oprah came off as a bit preachy. But this show was a wow moment for me. (or by Oprah standards would have constituted as an AHA! moment) She said something that resounded in my soul, she mentioned that through her 25 years of doing the show she had seen a general theme that ran through people. They felt that they weren't enough, they didn't feel that they were good enough for the blessings that they have received. They don't feel like they deserve all the good things that came their way. She said that most people were self-defeating.

This has been especially true in my life. Let me tell you about my life right now, I am in a job that I love. I am with the man that I love and I surround myself with the people that I love. I have the best girlfriends in the world that literally make me laugh out loud. Most of the time we end up embarrassing ourselves at how loud we are. But to be honest, the world fades away while I am around my girls and to although most people might find us annoying, we truly couldn't give a hoot. We are off on an adventure this weekend but I digress.

I have fantastic job, an amazing boss and I am learning more and more as I go ... I was meant for radio and I am so glad that although I went away from it for a while I am back to a place where I know I can excel. As for the man that I love, well he is just every girl's dream. He's caring, funny, sensitive and the most generous man who spoils me and makes me feel like the most important person in the world.

With everything going right in my life, I was expecting something to go wrong. I was anticipating the bad because I didn't feel worthy of all the things I had inherited in my life. (I use the term "things" but what I really mean is treasures) I was so used to having drama, pain and hurt in my life that once it was gone, I simply couldn't accept it. It had become such a staple in my life, almost a crutch or a handicap to make excuses for why I couldn't move forward in my life that after a while I had grown to expect it and even miss it once it was gone. I am so content in fact that I have grown fat from it.... again another story that I will share at a later date.

I have learnt that I am enough and that I can expect for more great things to happen in my life and this my friends, is merely the beginning. But no one had verbalised it as eloquently than Oprah. So now, she's on my Flipboard (Ipad App- absolutely amazing, by the way!) and I visit her everyday, another good friend I have met on my journey of self discovery ( a bit late I know, but I don't find her preachy anymore) Maybe, I am getting older(what I mean to say is wiser)... OWN (Oprah Winfrey Network) is filled with programmes that motivate and inspire you. So now instead of stewing in the negative I reach for the positive and expect more for me and my life.

Life

Life has a funny way of working out. I am really happy to meet like-minded people who are willing to work for something, simply for the passion of doing it. I am about to embark on a new adventure with a new outlook in familiar surroundings. What more could you ask for?

Thank God for Miracles

I am happy today when I am supposed to be sad. I don't know what I would do without the little miracles everyday.... tell me about your miracles, I wanna hear about it :)

A Great Start

There is nothing better than waking up to a good nasi lemak on a weekday morning. Rich fat rice grains flavoured with coconut milk, steam rising from from the very rice you just can't wait to digest, filling your nostrils with the sweet smell of pandan. The spicy sambal to give you a kick-start in the morning and the cucumber to cool your tongue once its fired up and salivating for more. The crunchiness of the ikan bilis and kacang make so fun to eat and break away from the flavours of the rice and sambal. The ultimate finale is the sweet hot taste of teh tarik to give it the perfect finish.

Blessed be Malaysian Food!!

What to do?

I am faced with the question on should I stay in a job that I hate that provides me with all the time and the money I need or do I look for a job that I am passionate about? What I have learnt is that a life without passion isn’t a life at all and since most of my time during my week is spent at the job shouldn’t I then know the obvious answer? But oh the frustration of not having enough money to help my family is more unbearable than the dull days in this stuffy cubicle. When they said that life is tough....they weren’t kidding.

Frost & Sullivan Malaysia

So believe it or not, I have started a brand new adventure in Frost & Sullivan. It's your typical 9am-6pm type job. I am handling Corporate Communications for Malaysia which is mad for me cause I have never taken myself that seriously, let alone have others look at me like some kind of competent professional.

I have an amazing boss, my colleagues are really pleasant and there is no hard and fast rule here at Frost. I would love to tell you that I welcome the stability but it does take some getting use to. I would love to tell you that now that I could actually anticipate what I could do in a day that my life is ticking like clockwork.I'd like to tell you that life is grand!!!

But I miss radio :(

I know that this too is temporary and that soon enough another adventure is bound my way. So till then, I shall sit tight... keep my fingers crossed and hope I don't do some irreparable damage at Frost :)

Happy New Year!!

So 2011 is here!! I am excited at the new opportunities that this year will bring. New Year's day was lovely, of course and filled with parties together with friends and loved ones. The next day I caught up with cousins for a quiet drink and while we were there, the chinese zodiac book was broken out to read everyone's future of the upcoming Year of the Rabbit. According to the book, its going to be fairly good year however my past is supposed to come back to haunt me somehow.

Here's one reading for the Year of the Rabbit:

A placid year, very much welcomed and needed after the ferocious year of the Tiger. We should go off to some quiet spot to lick our wounds and get some rest after all the battles of the previous year.

Good taste and refinement will shine on everything and people will acknowledge that persuasion is better than force. A congenial time in which diplomacy, international relations and politics will be given a front seat again. We will act with discretion and make reasonable concessions without too much difficulty.

A time to watch out that we do not become too indulgent. The influence of the Rabbit tends to spoil those who like too much comfort and thus impair their effectiveness and sense of duty.

Law and order will be lax; rules and regulations will not be rigidly enforced. No one seems very inclined to bother with these unpleasant realities. They are busy enjoying themselves, entertaining others or simply taking it easy. The scene is quiet and calm, even deteriorating to the point of somnolence. We will all have a tendency to put off disagreeable tasks as long as possible

Money can be made without too much labor. Our life style will be languid and leisurely as we allow ourselves the luxuries we have always craved for. A temperate year with unhurried pace. For once, it may seem possible for us to be carefree and happy without too many annoyances.

http://www.theholidayspot.com/chinese_new_year/more_zodiacs/rabbit.htm

Lick my wounds indeed, the year of the Tiger has been a killer year and I for one am looking forward to quieter year ahead. Happy new year everyone, enjoy this year...seems like its going to be a good one.