The year is drawing to an end and I have found myself thinking long and hard about what I want. This is mainly because of my experiences, that I would like to think have thought me well.
Although it has caused me a lot of trouble and heart ache, the one thing that I am very proud of, is that I have always followed my heart and not my head. That being said, I didn't do it right. I totally disregarded myself in the process and it has lead me to the brink of insanity....
Coming back from that I can tell you that the experiences were absolutely necessary. I am stubborn but life has definitely cured that. The thing about following your heart, is that it takes courage and whether we know it or not, courage my friend is hard to come by.
Although I have loved people with all my heart, my greatest lesson about love is that you must be able to love yourself. No one needs defective love. If you don't love yourself, YOU ARE DEFECTIVE. That is the hard and awful truth. If you think you can find love in fairytale romances, you are wrong. If you think you can find love in people, again you would be wrong. If you want to know love and I am talking about the unconditional kind... you can't even find it in a dog. But you can look deep within and that's where you will find it.
For me, that was a lesson that took years to learn. I had no self worth. To be honest, I don't know whether I truly have a lot of self worth now but at least its there. So how do you find it, if you simply don't have the tools to do it yourself?
Talk to a role model and THINK BIG.
Someone very wise once told me that you could be a walking God if you think big enough. Just think if you could posses God's love, what kind of an effect you could have on this world? What kind of legacy you could leave behind? Even if you didn't believe in God, just the theory of God's love is enough to entice anyone.
I understand now why I am the way that I am. I had a lot of negativity surrounding my life that contributed to my low self-esteem and lack of confidence.
That is not an excuse but a fact.
I am not saying that those experiences define me but it explains my shortcomings. The best way to improve is to identify your weaknesses and to know your triggers. I would love to tell you that you can just remove those triggers and it's all gone. But sometimes, it's not that easy. You can't remove all the negatives in your life. But you can find ways to cope with it. Get welcomed distractions to help you or someone you really care about to help. That's how I do it.
I have also learnt that its okay if you are not the life of the party, sometimes it is more meaningful to share a laugh with just one person than the entire room. Be yourself and be comfortable with who you are. Before you know it, everyone around you is comfortable too. It is rare and refreshing to meet someone sincere, be that person :)
Life is not a competition, it is an adventure. If you are able to talk about a long and hard fall in your attempt at life, it doesn't mean you have failed. It just means you were brave enough to take a huge leap that lead you somewhere else, somewhere unexpected. Thank God for the unexpected, a surprise party is special for a reason ;)
Happy New Year everyone... Here is to a better year because you made it better.
